Attached at the hands.

"Brutally disgusting. Yuck."

-HBJ

I have to tell this story before I forget about it. It's horrific.

I was sitting down in the cafe area at Borders the other day reading a book, minding my own business. Out of the corner of my eye I see this young asian couple. They were college students getting ready for a serious study session.

The dude typified an asian wannabe abercrombie model with his layered polos, cargo shorts and sandals. Nice.

The girl was HOT. Uhh, no she wasn't. If she was, I would have understood their behavior. However, this chick was hit by the ugly stick. Oh, and this wasn't your ordinary ugly stick by the way. It must have been a BIG ASS ugly stick, with pimple-inducing grease spots all over. Brutally disgusting. Yuck.

After drinking a cup of coffee, they proceeded to sit down, lock hands at about shoulder height (elbows on the table) and gaze into each other's "can be blindfolded with dental floss" eyes.

There's nothing wrong with this so far. I'm all about love and public displays of affection.

5 minutes roll by. I look up and notice they haven't moved an inch. "Ok, whatever," I thought to myself. 10 minutes later - same. 30 minutes later I glance up to look at the clock on the wall and I see them in the EXACT same position. I almost gagged.

Keep in mind, the whole time they are not talking. Those two were just annoyingly smiling at each other as their Advanced Quantum Physics Bullshit textbooks (2nd edition) collected dust.

Long story short, they stayed in that statuesque position for over an HOUR! WTF?! I don't know about you, but after having a cup of coffee I piss at an average interval of every 12 minutes. So not only are they deeply in love, but they also have incredible bladder control. I'm jealous.

I would rather have seen them making out uncontrollably with full tongue action, sweat dripping, and orgasmic moaning. At least I could have thought "Damn, that's pretty cool. They're brave."

Saying "GET A ROOM!" to a couple just looking at each other and holding hands would be rude.