An Actual Conversation at 24 Hour Fitness II

The first installment can be found here:

http://hbjaymz.blogspot.com/2006/11/actual-conversation-at-24-hour-fitness.html

Based on a true story . . .

Once again we will follow the adventures of Roger and BJ inside 24 Hour Fitness. What will those workout fanatics be up to today? Let's find out . . .

Roger: "For reals man, we gotta get serious about this stuff."

BJ: "I know. Ok, I'll go first."

Roger: "10 reps . . . nice form."

BJ: "My arms are killing me!"

Roger: "Alright. Now let's do back, then chest."

BJ: "Cool, your turn. Here's the soap."

End Scene.

Fun with the Door-to-Door Vacuum Salesman

The Door-to-Door Vacuum Salesman. You gotta love him. It takes a brave man to annoy people and expect to make money selling something I can buy at Sears or Target.

The next time you get one knocking at your door, don't be rude and say "I'm not interested." Instead, follow my advice and I guarantee you will have a ton of FUN!

Have him come inside and let him unpack his briefcase and brochures. Even encourage him to show you the amazing suction powers of the vacuum. Be sure to act super interested the whole time.

Then out of nowhere say, "Wow! That vacuum really sucks!"

When you want him to leave just say, "You know what, I'm just not interested today."

After he leaves wait about a minute then yell, "Hold on!" Then motion with your hand for him to come back. He will probably be thinking, "Yes! I might get a sale after all. Yippy."

When he comes back, scream in his face, "AND I WON'T WANT ONE TOMORROW EITHER!"

Slam door. Teehee.

Procrastinators

Hi. My name is HBJ and I'm a Procrastinator.

Alchoholics got the 12 step program, us procrastinators have the OCPG (Orange County Procrastinators Group).

We meet every Tuesday night. I joined OCPG last year. Haven't got around to attending a meeting yet, though.

The Porn Star that Could

"My way of joking is to tell the truth - It is the funniest joke in the world"

- George Bernard Shaw

You know, sometimes the weirdest and most random stuff happens to me. The following story may sound too crazy or unbelievable to be true, but seriously, it really happened.

I'm just going to come out and say it. A couple months ago I was asked to appear in a porno. Yeah, me. Random, huh? I won't go into the details of who asked me and why they asked me, but just believe me when I say it really happened. Hey, I was just as shocked as you are right now!

I would have been paid $2000 for a day's work to do the nasty dance with a well known porn star.

I was flattered but declined for obvious reasons. That is all. No jokes here. I'm not even going to explore the ramifications, the social stigma, or the moral implications of such an event.

Actually, I REALLY want to bust out a joke right now but I'm trying really hard not to . . .

Just thought I'd share. The fact that this opportunity was presented to me is freakin' hilarious in itself. Life's funny sometimes, ain't it?

Immature

As some of you may know, I live with my two cousins. What you may not know is that they are EXTREMELY immature!

I'll be sitting in my room and they'll just walk in whenever they feel like it and without asking, take my pro wrestling DVDs.

Geez, GROW UP GUYS!

An Actual Conversation at 24 Hour Fitness.

An Actual Conversation at 24 Hour Fitness.

Based on a true story . . .

The following is a coming of age tale. We will begin the scene with our two protagonists on their way to the basketball court. Conflict will surely arise. Will our heroes survive the challenges that lay ahead? Will their journey lead to personal growth? Let's find out . . .

Roger: "Did you see if anyone is playing on the court?"

BJ: "I saw a couple guys there. Did you grab my ball?"

Roger: "Yeah, it's kinda dirty though."

BJ: "I know. Did you bring my basketball?"


Moments later . . .


BJ: "What do you want to workout later? Chest? Biceps? Triceps?

Roger: "Let's get sweaty. I wanna have a bi workout."

BJ: "Ok, but what bodypart do you want to work on?"

End scene.

Sleep Disorders

So, I've heard of talking in your sleep. Snoring is normal. Sleep walking is pretty common too. But damn, my sister created her own genre of sleep disorders on her 21st birthday last week when she came down with a little something - a new condition I shall dub "Sleep-Vomiting". Wow, I really just made up that term right now.

It was her goal to down 21 shots that night.

After the 12th, she started to feel a little lightheaded, so she decided to lay down for a couple minutes. Needless to say, that was a BIG MISTAKE!

Never lie down after 8 or more shots, people! You've been warned.

I don't know if you have ever had the pleasure to witness someone throw up in their sleep, but I can tell you from first hand experience, it is one AWESOME spectacle. Haley's comet? Ehhh. A solar eclipse? BORING! Seeing a mother deer with its' young fawn calmly drink water from a babbling brook? Been there, done that, googled it and everything.

You have not truly experienced joy until you've seen a loved one hurl from a dormant state! And the funny thing is, there's not a damn thing you can do about it . . . except, laugh uncontrollably like you're Tickle-Me-Elmo on speed and 42 cups of coffee.

It's not like I could help her anyway. There were juicy chunks of mexican food on her jacket, shirt, and hair. It's just not sanitary. I could get hepatitis or something.

That stuff stinks, too. Goodness gracious. Happy birthday sis!